Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Vision Vanity

I was all jazzied up about getting contacts today. Thank you, Santa Claus! I haven't worn contacts since I was 16 so it's been a while.

My new optometrist was very pleasant. He knows my older siblings and I am near his son's age, so hooray for small-town business and service. We go through the whole "Which is better, 1 or 2? 3 or 4? etc.", "What do you hear from your brother these days? small talk, small talk, small talk..."

Then, I get the news: "Well, it looks like we're going to have to go with a bifocal to correct your esophoria and your current perscription is a little too strong."

Esophoria is characterised by inward deviation of the eye usually due to extra-ocular muscle imbalance.

BIFOCALS?!?! Awwww dang, that sucks! Don't "old people" wear bifocals???
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Me and "old Barbie" now have something in common: stupid bifocals. Bet she needs 'em too.

Vision insurance, I hate you too. You and your stupid bifocals can kick rocks and pee up a rope. You are not my friend. Yes, although you save me money, I still don't have contacts, which I NEED because I take dance and my glasses fling off when turning. So, sweet Helen, who works at the optometrists' office, all the $$$ you figured still makes me cranky. Sweet Helen, it's not your fault glasses and contacts, even with insurance, still cost far more than the amount Santa generously left under my tree. Actually, you cost nearly three times, THREE TIMES!!! 3 Xs!!!! as much!!!! I. hate. you.

I had a nuclear meltdown classic Jana style. Which means, I waited until I got in the car. Got down the road a ways and was on the phone crying with Honey. Honey patiently listened to me overexaggerate in every way possible. Honey, you deserve a medal. You see me when I'm the worst. You see me the way no one else does. Here's a small glimpse of what Honey got to endure:

[all said through tears, sobbing, and the most pitiful whining you've ever heard... I didn't edit anything out really. I'm putting my embarassing tantrum out there for you to enjoy and laugh.]
"I hate my eyes. They're stupid. Stupid pretty blue. I'm blind. I just want you to tell me it's stupid. It's not funny!!!! (he wasn't laughing at all) I can't see. I hate the eye doctor. I never want to go see them again. I'll neverrrr have contaaaaacts. I wanted to wear contacts in our wedddddinggggg! Stupid blind esophoria. I HAVE TO WEAR BIFOCALS like an old ladyyyyyy. It costs too much moneyyyyy! I hate my stupid eyes. They're so dumb and blue. They're blind!!!"

Epic Pout including running mascara...
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In hindsight, after reading this, I WAS being ridiculously melodramatic. I'll go back in a month or so, when I have more money and buy contacts. It will be fine and I will survive. Yes, I'm 27 and I will be wearing bifocals soon. Please try not to make too much fun of me. My vanity is really winning out here.

I'm not blind. I can see. I won't die.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13 NIV

My Heavenly Father knew I would have vision trouble and he knew I'd be a drama queen. God, I'm sorry for saying I hate my eyes. I actually think they're pretty nice. I especially love the blue color you gave me. Thanks for allowing me to have vision insurance and the sight I have. There are so many people who are unable to see. Forgive me for being so vain about this whole vision thing. I love you and I'm glad you created me. ~Jana
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<3 ~ Get you fashion on~ <3
With or without glasses...
You bettah werk what God gave you!

I'll post pics when the new glasses come in. <3

1 comments:

MrsTCalnan said...

awww hugs Love you Jana and your pretty blue eyes all will be well

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