Friday I'm in Love- #4

I promised you guys it would start getting fun again... so get ready.

When you last tuned in for Friday I'm in Love,  Joe and I were still "best friends" who had crushes on each other. We weren't "friends with benefits". We didn't kiss. We didn't hold hands. We didn't do anything like that for 3 years. We pinky promised a lot, though. We still pinky promise, but at the time, it meant, "we're going to work out one of these days." We said, "I love your face" but meant "I love you." I asked, "It's all gonna be....?" and he would reply, "Oooookay." I asked him one day if we would be "Dirt". I know that sounds odd but he's always had a way of knowing what my anxiety ridden words mean. For us, "dirt" means we are meant to be together and we will be together until we become dirt again one day.

We met at a church and we knew we weren't in the 'right place for us' at the time so Joe suggested we visit his cousin and her parents church for a while. We visited and after our first visit we had lunch with his Aunt and Uncle. Once we got back to Joe's house I was happy as a clam. I remember we were outside and he asked me if I would be his girlfriend again. I couldn't say anything because I was so happy. The only thing I managed was to vigorously nod my head, "YES!" and hug him.

Most people remember exact dates and timelines but with Joe and I - the last nine years has been a blur of amazing. I just know for every good  thing that's happened he's been by my side. He's believed in us all the way - even when I was too 'worried' to see. And fortunately... he was right. It's all gonna be oooookay.

Friday I'm in Love - #3

Warning: This post is wordy - but it's true.

Okay, I promised I would finish this love story. Somehow the first week of neglect turned into two, then three three, and now it's been a month. Sorry. The middle just doesn't seem as much fun as the beginning and where we are now.The middle gets vague in my mind... so if the details are sketch, I'm sorry.

It seems like we (read: I was still crazy about Joe but felt like we weren't supposed to be together) waited about a year then got back together. We were together a year and I broke up with Joe again.

We went to Mayfest on a Saturday. I got a Cherry Dr. Pepper. I broke up with him on a Sunday. After church. It. Was. Awful. It. Was. Crushing. I still have that day seared into my memory. It's not romantic on my part. All I know is I wanted to be with Joe but couldn't shake the feeling that I wasn't supposed to be. To this date, I have no explanation that makes sense out loud.

Here's a sappy moment- Joe kept that Cherry Dr. Pepper bottle until we got back together years later. Gross? Not even. Am I even more in love with that guy because of it? Probably so. 

We waited another two or three years and I never dated anyone else. Joe never dated anyone else. It really sounds like I'm crazy. My brain just wouldn't stop obsessing about the possibilities of whether we were or weren't supposed to be together but I knew I wanted to be with him. The entire time I prayed God would either take Joe away or take my feelings for him away if they weren't supposed to be there.

I truly believe the relationships you experience before marriage shape the way you think about relationships in general. Before Joe, I made a lot of bad thought habits. What I mean is, I allowed another person and other people to speak into my heart and mind. I'd been in another serious relationship before Joe and I'd tried to convince myself to marry that person even though it wasn't the right thing for me.

I've shared with my blog friends about my anxiety, and that was actually diagnosed. I am by no means a doctor and the following is not something that was diagnosed by a physician but in hindsight, I do relate a lot with something called "Relationship OCD". It's not like the kind of OCD where you have outward symptoms of locking and unlocking, cleaning, straightening, etc. It's all mental obsessions and to say the least, it's unpleasant.

Anyway, we were "friends" for another three years. We did everything together. Literally everything. Shopping, thrifting, movies, dinner (he paid), went to the park and swung on swings, went to the fair, and Octoberfest. We still spent Valentine's together and had a weekly "hang-out" night. (Um, call it what it was: DATE NIGHT!) He helped me clean the carpets when I bought my house. He helped me paint a wall. We shopped til he dropped for household items. Yeah. My friend. My best friend. Teacher-friends told me, "That guy is not just your friend because he wouldn't be up here grading papers and working in your classroom with you." Regular friends, "You guys spend too much time together to be 'just friends'." My parents, "Are you sure Joe is just your friend?" Church people, "You guys are such a cute couple. When are you getting married?" Somehow, the entire time, I rationalized in my head that we were truly "just friends" but he was in fact, my super attractive, hot friend I had a massive crush on.

Joe, you are a king among men for your patience.

Part 1

Part 2

It'll start getting fun again in #4, promise. ;o)

Get your fashion on! 

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Friday I'm in Love - # 2

Last Friday, I began a series about our Love Story. If you need to catch up click here. Part two isn't as 'happy' and sweet as part one. I'm having a hard time keeping motivation to write it. It's easier to write about happy things...The things you read today can only be explained in hindsight by this post.

Last you read, we'd gone on a date and it went well. We began talking on the phone often. He has a highly recognizable vehicle and I looked for it while driving around town. One day, I saw him and we both pulled over in a neighborhood, decided to go to the park and talk and walked around the track. Swung on the swings. Built a friendship. 

 21st Birthday 2004 - Sporting Pink Hair - I drank Dr. Pepper.

After a few months of talking, we had "the talk". The "What are we doing? Where is this going? How do we feel about one another? Are we a couple?" talk. You know that one... so, we're both pretty precious because we were quite shocked to find, after all the time we spent together, we both liked each other. WHAT?! How is it possible?!

We spent several months dating. Hanging out. Enjoying each others' company. Although I was happy and I knew I liked him, I had an unshakable feeling something wasn't right. I worried a lot and I did a decent job of pushing the worries to the back of my mind. I kept having a feeling, "we need to break up". 2012, he's my husband but at that time, I couldn't explain it. This feeling ate away at my happiness and made it hard to enjoy my time with Joe.... And finally, in June 2004, I broke up with him. :o( I didn't really feel any better. It didn't make life better. It didn't take away the anxiety. I continually worried AND I was stuck with the sadness of missing my best friend. I was stuck in the middle of "I like this guy" and "I can't be with him". 

I prayed constantly. I poured out my heart to Jesus. Constant requests to make things work for the best with Joe and I. Telling my Jesus I wanted to be with Joe and didn't understand my uneasiness. Begging, pleading, and feeling no better... Didn't understand why I needed to break up with Joe. 

July I went to Kids Kamp as a sponsor. I was gone a week and talked to Joe once a day in the evenings. I updated him on all the things that were going on in my heart. I updated him on how God was working in me. Somehow, Joe knew anyway.... he still knew my heart. But I still didn't feel the peace I wanted to be with Joe... this lasted too long....too long. Praise the Lord Joe is a patient man who knows what he wants. If you want to find out what happens next.... come back next Friday!

Get your fashion on and tune in next Friday for part 3

P.S. Did you enter the Giveaway for this necklace?

Friday I'm In Love - #1

I'm going to start a series about how my husband and I met and fell in love.... it's a love built for the ages. It took me nearly 5 years to 'get it' that he was awesome. I'm not daft.  Some people would consider our love story better than the Twilight Story. I dunno.... I kinda like Bella and Edward. I digress....

p.s. Hubbalicious, please don't massacre me for these photos. I still think you're the hottest guy on the planet.

Once upon a time, I looked like crap and decided to go to the most "ghetto" grocery store in town. "No one will see me", I thought to myself.  Little did I know...

I'm leaving the grocery store and I see literally the. MOST. attractive. man. EVER! Walking out of the store. Holy Crap on a Cracker! What do I do?! Nothing. I'm super lame and suck at flirting. So. Hawt! Black hair. Punk Rock clothes. So edgy. Pale Skin. Pink Cheeks. Hubba hubba. I call my best friend at the time and gush on the phone. "What do I do?! What do I do?" She naturally tells me to go talk to him. Uh. Not gonna happen. I look like crap today. Bad hair. Bad face. Horrible acne situation. Nope.

THIS is what we were working with, people. Thankfully, this fashionista has come a long way.What is with those arm socks?! (Confession: I still have those. Maybe they'll come back?)

*whew* Glad that's over. 

Fast forward 6 months later and in comes The Hottest Guy on Earth to our youth group service on Thursday night.

 

(Sneaky photo taken unbeknownst to him - by my bestie. What are besties for?)

 
(Sneaky photo #2)
 

I start the hyperventilation. The heart palpitation. I discreetly nudge viciously elbow my friend- whisper screaming, "THAT'S HIM! THAT'S HIM! That's the hot guy from a few months ago!" 

Turned out he worked with one of our youth leaders at the chicken restaurant catty-corner from our church. Oddly enough, that's where we had Sunday School. Our first official meeting was in a chicken restaurant. It must be kismet. I love chicken. 

Another fabulous memory: we were scrubbing potatoes to get ready for a church fundraiser. Apparently, I said something about how I didn't enjoy having "potato poop" on my hands and that's what sold him on me. Seriously. Potato poop. What is wrong with me?! Why am I talking about poop in front of this hot guy? 

This is one of my clearer memories of the beginning of us - Thursday Night. Spring Break 2004. I'm walking with some of the youth girls, gushing about hot boy. And they keep telling me they think he's into me. I, of course, being as awkward as I am, don't believe them. He runs out of one the church trailers when I'm getting ready to leave and says, "Um, hey...can I get your number?" EEEEE! Squeal with me, ladies, hot boy just asked for my number! I couldn't find a piece of paper fast enough. So, I used the back of one of my deposit slips for my checking account. (Hot boy who is now hubbalicious still has that piece of paper.) 

That Saturday - he called me. YES! For coffee at Java Dave's. I literally ran laps around my parents' house. It's a big deal, people. I don't run. I didn't run, but for hot boy, I ran around the house.

 

 

I still have the shirt I wore on our first date packed away in a box of memories. We sat for hours. Drank coffee. Talked. He laughed at everything I said. I felt like a comedienne and I liked it....

Stay tuned - - - these will continue on Fridays until- well- until they're over. :o) 

Get your fashion on...